The Hopeful Lights of Winter
by lms2457
Summary: Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.
1. December 1

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

The door of the hotel room closes behind her with a heavy thud. Though actually, calling it a hotel room does it a disservice. It's a suite the sites of a modest apartment. The hotel itself is high end but not over the top, boutique. It's too much. At least, it's more than she needs. But her husband had insisted.

And so, now she's a guest in residence, in a room registered under the name M. Rodgers.

Beckett had to give credit to Castle for that one. Booking the suite in his mother's name accounted for the trappings of it all, along with Castle paying the bill without anyone being the wiser. Not that she had wanted him to do it. But he'd refused to cave on the point.

"You need a home base, Kate. Someplace that feels like home even if you can't always be in our home," he'd said that first night, as they had curled around her and laid out plans.

She'd asked about a small apartment when he'd started in about how she needed a place with a kitchen, the cost of a hotel in New York City with his specifications hard for her to accept, even with her husband calling it an investment in her comfort and their future. But, he'd countered that a hotel would be earlier to shed if she had to move quickly. An argument she'd had trouble countering.

"Thought you'd never get home."

She jumped. "Castle!"

He came around the corner from the bedroom to greet her at the door and she dropped her bag as she came forward to greet him. "I wasn't expecting you," she said softly.

"Missed you, couldn't wait for you to find an opportunity to swing by the loft. So I thought I'd pay my mother a visit."

That, of course, had been the other ingenious part of his plan to put the booking in Martha's name. Her mother in law was believably neutral territory for the whole family. So any of them coming and going from the place looked less suspicious to outsiders. That fact, and the requisite kitchen, actually, had made for a much less lonely Thanksgiving than she had anticipated.

He wrapped his arms around her as she settled in close. "Saw you on TV today with the kids," she murmurs. Some press thing she hadn't even known he was doing, about local talent giving back for "Giving Tuesday" in New York. "Looked pretty cute there, Castle. Gonna ruin the playboy image."

He laughed warmly. "Well, it might be time for some rebranding on that front when this is all over. But also, I wasn't expecting to be on TV."

She stepped back to look at him. "Oh?" She'd just assumed the reporters had been part of the plan from the start.

"Nah. Just, I was asked and it sounded like fun. Remember the case last year with the second graders?"

She nodded. "You had fun with that, I remember."

He grinned. "Helping kids with their stories is great. There was this one little girl, I think she was nine. She swore she didn't have a story to tell. But she had drawn this whole elaborate comic storyboard. So I started asking her what was going on in each picture, and by the end of it, we had a whole picture book. She was so excited."

From the look on his face, the little girl wasn't the only one who was excited. Kate's heart flipped. He was so good with kids. And she wants...but she couldn't even begin to think about it. Not right now.

She settled for a shadow of what she wanted to say. "You've got a big heart, Castle. And I'm sure you gave a lot to those kids that they won't forget."

His smile was too big, too knowing as he rested his forehead against her . "Not the only unforgettable giving I pan on tonight."

Oh.

She could work with that.


	2. December 2

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

This day had not been going on at all like she had planned, but to be honest she couldn't remember the last one that had. But still, everything that seem capable of causing impediments to her goals today seemed to find a way to do it.

Elbows up on her desk, she dropped her head into her hands and massaged her temples. She had wanted the promotion, it's true, but now she wonders if she had thought through how much of being a Captain was going to be meeting after meeting. Even being more hands-on than her predecessors, it still seemed like she spent more time on bureaucracy than she did on helping victims. And normally, she could live with it. But today? Today not so much.

Last night had been great, and she loved that they were finding a way, however they knew how to work their way through this situation as a team. She wished they had begun that way, wished she had his creative touch all along.

The now ever present and irritating sound of an incoming reminder on her phone startled her. She looks up, wondering what she could possibly have missed.

"Shop for Jenny," it reads. Ugh. She had forgotten, Jenny and Ryan's baby shower was coming up in several weeks, but she'd wanted to take advantage of the early holiday shopping climate and try to find some nice things early on, take a few things off of their plate. She knows how stressed out Ryan has been about needing all new things for this baby, and not getting a promotion of his own.

But after yet another long day, she's tempted to just put it off once again as she has for the last several nights the message has appeared in on her phone. But at this rate she'll just keep on putting it off until whatever early advantage she thought she might have was long gone. What would Castle do, she wondered.

He'd go online, she thought suddenly, in a hit of inspiration. She called up the children's furniture store she'd been planning to hit, found the pieces she wanted easily enough, and added them to her cart.

And then, she saw it, down in the bottom row on her screen, under "you may also like," and she fell in love. A grey and white quilt, little stitched elephants on parade. On impulse, she added it to her cart. And not for Jenny.

Twenty minutes later she'd bought not only the Ryan baby's gifts, but she'd outfitted a half of a grey and white nursery with accessories and toys and bedding. For a baby that has yet to be conceived. They'd been talking about it, planning, and then...

And she had a whole theme going, all these elephants and she should talk to him before she does something like this, never mind they should make the baby first. Before she has mobiles and rockers and bedding and bookends, for heaven sakes. But she bought it anyway. She has everything shipped to her father's, telling herself she can pass it off as going overboard for her friend when it arrives in several hopefully nondescript boxes.

This time when her phone chirped, it rang with an incoming call, and lit up with his face on the screen. Instinctively, she blushed, feeling caught.

"Hey," she said quietly into the phone.

"Alexis is at some overnight study thing with a bunch of her friends," he said without any real preamble. "I started pulling out Christmas lights, but I'm home alone and ordering too much pizza."

The words "home alone" make her blood sing. She has her coat on before his voice, low and rich, manages the words "Come be with me."

She'll just take the back door and watch movies with him on the projector amid a mishmash of his over the top holiday decor half in and half out of storage. It sounds like heaven.

Hours later, she confessed her shopping spree as they lay tangled together in bed. She expected - she doesn't know what. But it wasn't for her husband to pull out his phone with a soft "show me?"

She did. And by the time he swiped his way through one more order screen, she'd lost that sense of shock. Instead, she felt her whole body come alive with warmth at his small purchase: a set of ornaments for the tree, an elephant and - oh and a lion - that say "Baby's first Christmas."

"Since we're planning ahead," he said, and he left the part about - for next year - out, but she heard it anyway. And though the timing was truly probably as terrible as it would ever be, she craved it.

So, she decided, they can plan ahead. For next year. Why not?

* * *

 **AN2** : Because someone will ask, Pottery Barn Kids. Search elephants. Yes, really. It's ridiculously adorable. You're welcome.


	3. December 3

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

It isn't that she was surprised to see Martha. That has been part of the deal. She's the registered guest of record, and actress that she is, she is certainly capable of setting the scene. It crosses Kate's mind that she and Hunt, the intelligence agent that he was, would have made quite a pair.

Oh, well, they made Castle, didn't they? Huh.

She's earlier today than she has been for a while. But what surprised her was that Castle hadn't mentioned to her that his mother would be here when she spoke to him a little while ago. At first she thought that he might not have known, but when her mother in law produced two bright red to go cups of hot tea, she suspected that the woman must have known that Kate was on her way home.

She accepted the cup she's offered with a smile. Tea was Martha's thing that she had taken to including Kate in these last few years. Beckett had never asked if she knew about the connection that she and Castle have always had with coffee. If Martha knew, she never said. She just brought Kate tea.

"Thank you, Martha."

The older women smiled. "Of course dear. This one is rather lovely. Some special holiday blend," she waved her hand with a casual smile.

Kate took a long sip, and found herself surprised. It was light, not really bitter, and it tasted of fruit. "Oh, that good," she thought. Calming. She instantly began to shed her day, even as she offered Martha a seat in the sitting area of the suite.

"I had the housekeeper come up," the red head relayed with a grin. "Got rather diva-like, to ensure that the poor girl didn't enter my closets, you know."

Kate raised an eyebrow, impressed. "Very nice. I appreciate the effort towards keeping up appearances for us, we both do."

"Just another part to play, my dear, just another part to play. I don't pretend to understand exactly what is going on with the two of you and what you have gotten into, but if this is what you need, then this I can do."

And just like that, guilt washed over her. "I tried to keep him out of it, I really did. That's all I ever wanted to do was just keep him out of it." She felt like she owed his mother an apology, whether he wanted to be directly involved or not. Because she shouldn't have to live with that worry.

Martha set down her cup, and reached for her daughter in law's hand, holding it in her own.

"I'm just very glad that whatever it is the two of you are up to you, you are up to it together now. I know that my son always feels safer when he's with you."

The very thought choked her up. Because, honestly safer with her was not how she would describe the situation with her husband. Maybe he was, maybe she could be enough protection. But she is the one who brought this down on them. Intentionally or not. And gnawed at her. She knew that in many ways, she put him at risk, everyday, and this was just worse.

"I will not insult your intelligence and deny that it worries me, because it does, for both of you. But, as dangerous as I know your job can be, I find myself remembering that if you didn't put yourself in danger to do the right thing, who would? You do what you need to do. That is your choice to love you through this, to follow you know wherever this road goes? That's my son's decision to make. All of ours. And it's a decision long made, Katherine. You are a part of this family now. That's not up for debate."

Tears pricked at her eyes. "I'm not very good at it," she admitted. "It - it's been a long time." She hasn't had a mother for such a long time is what she meant to say. But the words wouldn't come out.

Martha seemed to understand though. "I'm still learning myself, you know. For so long it was just the two of us. I always wanted – well, more than that, you know? But – well, sometimes my personal life has not worked out as well as my professional one, and there have been times that is saying quite a lot. But then, there was Alexis you know, and, well. But I never did have a girl of my own, and I know, it's a special place where I wouldn't dream of intruding but –"

Kate shifted from her seat across from Martha to sit next to her, and and enfolded her in a hug. For several long moments, neither spoke. And then, her mother in law continued.

"I'm just so grateful for you dear. My son is a good man, charming and gifted and kind, for all the human faults he has. But...he's always been a little lonely. Quick to give himself to those who didn't value him as he did them. Friends and relationships both. And then, you came into his life. Don't discount the value in that, whatever else may be going on."

Kate took her words in for a moment, then nodded. They chatted aimlessly for a few minutes before the older woman stood to go.

"Thank you for the tea," Kate said, feeling lame, as if it wasn't quite enough of a thank you to encompass everything she should say.

Martha offered her another quick hug, and smiled. "It's call Joy, you know. Appropriate yes? I figured we could probably all use some about now. Well, I'm off darling."

And then she breezed out as was her way, and left Kate staring after her. Joy. That – she shook her head in grateful disbelief. And then she reached for her phone, hitting her husband's number on autopilot.

At some point, during their hours long conversation, she will tell him about how his mother brought her joy in a bright red cup.


	4. December 4

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

All the coming and going from the loft, from her own home, by the little used back entrance to the building, was strange, awkward. It was card protected, and she borrowed different ones, sometimes Martha's or Castle's. Today's she was Alexis, and she's just grateful that the girl didn't ask any questions after her quick reminder to be careful.

She suspected that Alexis was at least aware that Kate has been trying to keep her husband out of harms way, and that, along with her growing appreciation of the work she has been doing in assisting Castle in his PI office had led to a bit more latitude with Beckett herself. But she wasn't eager to test that theory too far if she could avoid it, she thought as she started up the long flights of stairs.

It might well have proved to be an over abundance of caution, but it wasn't something she wanted to risk except in the early morning hours when her neighbors were asleep. Cloak and dagger. Castle would probably get a kick out of, she thought. But the whole situation still made her uneasy.

Doing it with him was worth it, though. Living their lives now, rather than in some nebulous future of "after" that is some point they can't quite place yet.

He had the door open for her before she ever could get the key into the lock.

"When you said you were on the way, I thought you'd be here sooner. I was worried. Or -" he paused "Did you have to make a stop?"

She sighed. She didn't blame him, really she didn't. "No secret meetings, Castle. Except with you. See?" She pulled out her phone, let him look, why not?

He stammered a little. "I trust you, Kate I do. You just worried me."

She came close, kissed his jaw in apology. "I took the back stairs. Avoids the doorman, and elevators full of people. Most of the cameras." She didn't add that it also might skirt anyone watching the building, taking public transportation then walking in from behind the building. Some things they don't need to keep reminding themselves of in the short interludes they have to be together.

"God, that must be exhausting," he said as he led her further inside the warmth of the loft.

More of his rather intense holiday decor was present, but unlike a few years before, she now found it somewhat comforting. Castle was still Castle in spite of everything.

"I don't mind. I sit at my desk a lot more these days."

She settled in as he poured them each a glass of wine.

"So, what are you up to tonight?"

"Mostly writing. To one of those all Christmas music all the time Internet radio stations. Set the mood."

She laughed out loud. It figured.

"So, what's your Christmas theme song?" She asked after a moment, because really, her husband seemed like the kind who would have one.

He brought her glass as he considered.

"I don't know," he said after moment, "but I know yours."

She tipped her head, curious.

"Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24," he didn't even hesitate.

She blinked. "Mashed up and kinda hardcore?"

He grinned at her as he sat down beside her. "Yeah but, not just that. It's the story of thing."

Ahh, yes. She might have known.

"It's about the cellist, right? He played in the streets and at funerals, even though it was dangerous?" She asked because, well, that did kind of fit.

Castle nodded. "Well, that's basically the true version, although the poor guy has basically had his identity stolen and used more than once. But these guys, they did it right. Changed it in the right way. To the story of an old man who played carols in the square in as the city was bombed around him.

So you have two different sounds. Like war and peace. With the cello, we old man standing in the center. And he did it, the story goes, to remind people that even in the midst of all of this chaos and destruction, humanity remained. He was hope."

There was a lump in her throat she couldn't clear.

He reached out and took her hand. "I don't always love the way you through your self into disaster, any me when you do with me. Because I worry about you, too. But, I'm awfully glad you're you, Kate."

She didn't know what to say, and then, "Linus and Lucy," is what popped out of her mouth, unexpected.

"I - what?"

"That's you," she said quickly. "Playful and fun. Joyful." She bopped her head a little, demonstrating.

He barked out a short laugh. "Kate Beckett, was that the Snoopy dance? That's not even how do it. It's like this." He pushed the coffee table back and stood up to give a demonstration as she collapsed into helpless laughter.

A few minutes later, he pulled her up to join him, and that was how Alexis found her father and his wife when she came home: dancing crazily in the half decorated living room, with no music.

She didn't even question it as she headed up to bed.


	5. December 5

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

 **AN2:** Please bear with any errors tonight, I had to pull an all nighter last night for finals and I might be a little out of it. Okay, a lot.

* * *

With everything going on in their lives she wasn't sure if it was possible for them to just have a day of doing nothing, even if she did have the day off. But it was definitely worth planned on and aiming for. She had already told Esposito, he could get used to his only in pending promotion by handling whatever came up unless some drastic public spectacle required her attention. She hadn't had too difficult of a time getting him to agree, he may not have known why she needed the time to wind down, but he understood that she did.

The hardest thing about coming and going well keeping their secret was the act of coming going. So since she was already at the loft, she had no intention of leaving anytime soon. If she could just have this day, maybe the next one in her own home without worrying about what was going to happen next, she might be able to pull herself through the next week.

"I put the French press on," she heard her husband's voice from the doorway. "and Alexis was out a little while ago and brought back some of those ridiculously good filled croissants from the bakery down the street. Which means I don't particularly plan on getting out of bed again anytime soon."

She grinned at him. "You read my mind. And that was awfully nice of Alexis."

He brought The tray of pastries and coffee over to the bed, and set gingerly down on the edge, before setting the tray down as well. "Well honestly I think it was a little bit of a bribe. She borrowed my card key to your place, said something about having some time to help keep up the appearance of visiting my mother. I'm not sure I want to know why she needed to do that, but –"

She broke off a piece of croissant and popped it into his mouth. "Hush, I don't need you in overprotective dad mode right now, babe. Just our own private time to think about."

His blue eyes lit up and he smiled at her, even as he works at the unexpected bit of croissant. "I'm pretty sure I can do that."

She raised an eyebrow and his general direction in agreement. "Somehow I thought you might," she said with a smile.

And they definitely manage to make the most of breakfast in bed and their particular brand of alone time that morning. Thankfully, no one in her jurisdiction had decided to be involved in a high-profile murder, and so her Saturday was her own. Or at least, it was theirs. But at some point they both give up on finding the fact that everything they've been through in the last several weeks has been physically and emotionally exhausting.

It was after a break from an actual nap that he suggested pulling out his iPhone and putting on the Harry Potter audiobook editions he'd finally been able to download. "I've heard the performance was incredible, but I never got around to picking it up when they were on CDs."

He looks like a kid in the candy store, and she can't blame him. It was not something she would've thought to do to spend a cool December afternoon and evening, but she was good with it if it meant she got to stay curled against his side in their bed.

So she watched him pair his phone to a Bluetooth speaker and they curled up against each other to listen. At the end of the day she wasn't even worried about the fact that they had barely gotten three chapters into the first book before getting distracted.

Priorities.


	6. December 6

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

 **AN2:** So this one is a little bit late, but hopefully it's a bit longer to make up for it. Also, for those who have asked yes this will be a story where they spend it sneaking around. That's where we're coming back to you in February, and this is the story of season eight Christmas, inserted into the hiatus. Just so were all clear.

* * *

Kate was awake early on Sunday morning, a good day the day before helping with a lot of her recent exhaustion. So, before the rest of the house even thought about stirring, she was up digging through every conceivable ingredient for breakfast food she could find it in the kitchen. Might as well make her family Sunday brunch.

Once she had several things going she texted Martha to coax her into joining them. She really did owe something to all of them. Plus, a little family time sounded nice. And probably would qualify as at least a start on repairing the dynamics she knew she had strained over these last several months.

"Wow," Castle's voice startled her when he appeared in the kitchen just after she got the text from Martha confirming her impending arrival. She had been reading a follow up a note from her mother in law about stopping by the hotel that she didn't really have time to fully process before being interrupted.

"Someone is in a particularly productive mood this morning."

She shrugged and came forward to meet him in an embrace. "I guess I just figured this was something I could at least accomplish."

He pulled back to look at her. "Hey now, you do a lot."

She sighed, and leaned into him for a moment. "I know, I guess sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough right now."

He pressed a kiss to her hair and smiled. "It will."

She had to tend to a pan on the stove, but took his hand and pulled him along with her. He set work helping without being asked and minutes later, she turned and smiled. "You know, your mom is really taking this under cover thing with dedication."

He laughed. "That's mother for you - always the actress in search of a role. It's pretty smart actually, as you already know, giving her something small to do generally keeps her out of asking deeper more complicated questions, at least for a while. And, with my mother that's almost never a bad idea."

"Hush, she's helping."

As if on cue, her key turned in the lock, and Martha was sweeping through the door and greeting them both with her usual enthusiasm.

"Katherine darling, you'll need to switch key cards with me, I had to get new ones because Alexis still had the spare you know. But I think it worked out for the best anyway - see and be seen."

As the older woman went into further and somewhat dramatic detail, Kate met Castle's eye and he winked back at her conspiratorially.

Alexis joins them a few moments later, drawn by the commotion her grandmother had brought with her.

"Well, that's everyone," Martha said brightly. "And this looks fabulous. Let's eat."

#

The rest of the somewhat impromptu family day passes in a patchwork movie marathon, ending with the live version of The Wiz that was still waiting unseen on the DVR. Kate found her attention pleasantly divided between the performance, and the varying commentaries among the others. Martha, in full stage diva mode, alternately praised or panned performances, while Castle and Alexis debated some of the creepier staging and costume choices.

It has been wonderful overall, the whole weekend. Like a bubble of normalcy in the middle of all of the craziness that their lives have become. And, as Martha and Alexis began to move away from the little nest they had all created in the living room to go about their own evening plans, Kate realized that was probably the problem, wonderful as it was.

Castle nudged her from the side and leaned in a little bit as he wrapped his arm around her. "Hey, you OK?"

She took a minute, trying to breathe through it before she answered. "I – I just don't want to go."

"Kate -"

"I have to though. I know that. I have to, because this is important for your safety, for mine, my God, Castle, even for their's. It's important to me, this is important to me." She gestured around the loft to indicate all of it, their family. "And I wish it was as simple as just saying, you know what forget it I'm not doing this, because believe me I've thought about it but –"

Castle stopped the flow of words with his fingers to her lips. "If you could just walk away, you wouldn't be the woman I love so much. I get that Kate, we all do."

A tear trickled down her cheek. "i'm not doing this for fun," she said quietly.

"I know that -" he sighed. "Okay, yes, I can see where you might have gotten that out of what I said to you a couple of weeks ago. But, that's not - Kate, I was upset and hurt and little scared, and when I'm like that I get stupid, I revert - and actually, that was my point."

She sniffled, waiting him out.

"We both do that, Kate. When we're worried or scared or stressed. We fall back on what we're used to, because it's easier. It's comforting, in a terrible way, because we know what to do. And with me, it's usually to be reckless or lash out with the first sharp words that come to mind. You...go solo."

She lowered her head at that. He was right. "I just, I can't lose you, Castle. I need," she looked up, glancing around "I need this to be okay." Their home, their family.

"We'll be fine Kate. We're your family, and it may not always be easy, but we're going to back you up. That's the part you're missing about how this works."

She reached out and kissed him, hoping that might be enough to make up for the words she didn't have.

"Now, there's still a few office ready things in our closet. So, why don't you stay tonight, let me make you dinner. Go in the morning by the same secret spy methods you used when you got here."

Oh she wanted to. She wasn't sure she should, but she definitely wanted to. Still, she worried about whether or not they were being watched.

She hadn't realized that she had said that allowed until Castle said quietly and not without a trace of humor, "Honey, if the guys with the multiple death squads and machine guns are watching your every move 24 hours a day, whether they see you come or go from here is probably not going to be our biggest problem."

She groaned and dropped her head into your hands. "Not helping the stress level here, Castle."

He pulled her close. "Hey I already told you, this family will do whatever we need to do - all of us - in order to help you get this done. Finish it. Even if some of it just makes you feel better. That's reason enough. Okay?"

She nodded, a little weekly.

"Good then, come let me pay you back for brunch this morning with something fabulous for dinner, and then maybe you can help me finish with the decorations. Or distract me from finishing with the decorations, your choice."

God she loved him.


	7. December 7

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

She wasn't sure exactly what she had been expecting to follow up their weekend, but Alexis Castle standing somewhat awkwardly at the door to her office didn't even begin to rate within the top ten.

"Alexis, this is a surprise, come on in."

The redhead entered her office, and Kate had the district impression that the girl had no idea what to do with her hands after she had shut the door and cut her off from the bullpen.

"I um, wasn't really sure if I should come here, because, well, I'm not always clear on the rules. But I made a point of saying hello to Lanie earlier, so I'm kind of hoping that people might just assume Dad and I are fishing for help on a case. But I needed to ask you something. And, um - it seemed like a bad idea to try doing that over the phone."

"Alexis, don't worry about it." In reality, Kate was a little worried about it herself but she won't make an issue of it. Alexis was hesitant enough to make her believe the girl is smart enough not to make it a habit, for now. "How can I help?"

Alexis looked down at the floor. "I um, I know that things with you and Dad are complicated right now, but he started doing some really strange things after you left this morning. More so than usual, even during all of this and I just - are you pregnant?" She asked the last three words in such a rush, they came out like one word.

Kate choked on her shock. "I'm sorry, what?"

Alexis looked back up nerves in her blue eyes. "I mean, not to judge, you're married, and it's great, but the timing seemed odd and I just don't -"

Kate held up a hand. "Alexis, I - no. What gave you that idea?"

If Alexis Castle's fair skin could go a shade paler, it just did, Beckett was certain.

"I ah, I think my dad is buying out every toy and kids clothing store in Manhattan. He was out for hours earlier, and then stuff started coming by courier. And it's starting to overtake the apartment. Excessively, even for dad. So I just though, maybe this weekend, you told him that -"

"No," Kate sat down heavily in her chair. "No. There was - Jenny is having a baby, and the other day, I was doing some shopping for her shower. I came across a few things -" or a dozen, she thought. "- I picked them up for...well for someday. And I did show your father, but it wasn't, isn't a work in progress or anything."

Alexis choked on a laugh. "Oh, I - okay. But that doesn't explain Dad hyper nesting. I don't think I had this much stuff even when I was in preschool. It's weird.

Kate sighed. "I could give him a call."

The redhead brightened "Thanks Kate. It's just, with everything, I worry," she admitted.

"Me too."

#

It took her several minutes to make the call, interrupted with one of Vikram's "might be something messages. This time she made sure to nail down the fact that it was for real. It is, but still a long shot so she wrapped up quickly and called her husband.

Not for the first time p, she thinks it would better for them both to have burners, something that would be harder to track. But when Castle picks up midway through the last ring, she shoves the thought aside.

"Hey" he said in greeting.

"Why are you on such a kiddie shopping spree that your daughter thinks I'm pregnant?" The words fell from her mouth immediately, and she can hear him sputtering on the other line.

"I what? She - no. There was a charity thing, on one of the morning shows, and they just they had thousands of kids in need and I mean, we have all this money. And when I was a kid it was different. I just, I wanted to help."

Oh, that's - her heart broke for him a little bit. "That's really sweet, Castle."

He sighed heavily. "I just don't think I can do enough, you know? There are so many, and I just want to wrap them all up in a blanket."

"You do a lot, Castle," she said, echoing his words to her without fully meaning to. "But I'm glad that you're doing this." She paused, thinking. "Can you send me some information? Maybe I can circulate it, put it up in the break room. Get the guys to take up a collection or something."

For a moment there was no reply. And then his voice was quiet. "I love you."

"Love you too, babe. So much."

Yeah, she might need to get them some burners. But, this first.


	8. December 8

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

When she actually bought the burners, she had half believed she could make a bit of a joke of it. For the couple that has everything, again. But then the lead came in and time caught up with her. Instead, she dropped the device hurriedly at his PI office.

She sent a simple text from her own device, trusting him to understand.

 _Have to go quiet, stay safe. Home soon._

Halfway to her rendezvous point, comes a reply.

 _See you at my place._

A smile formed when she decided that message. Good. He'd be safe. Now she just had to return that favor.

#

By the time she was able to actually get to his place, it was several hours, a spitting headache, and one dead end later. She let herself into his hidden room and fond him snoring softly on the large overstuffed sofa.

She shed as much of her day and her work clothes as she reasonable could, then claimed the narrow space left to her in front of him.

Almost immediately, his arm came around her and pulled her tightly against him.

"You're home," he sighed out, still mostly asleep.

It's not their bed at the loft, but yeah, she was home.

Home was wherever he was, really.


	9. December 9

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

 **AN2:** I'm hoping that between my finals and the actual delivery for the Possibility4Joy project, you'll bear with me a bit with me on the lateness of this chapter, and as I catch up on the other missing chapters. It's definitely my goal to be back on track in a day or two.

* * *

There was something liberating about waking up the next morning and being absolutely certain of no prying eyes. Also, her husband's surprise.

He really had built everything into this little secret room his, including, thankfully, access to coffee.

She had managed to slip free without waking him, and get it going before he stirred, only for him to sit up moments later and look around in stunned puzzlement at the smell of the brewing coffee.

"Kate!" he exclaimed, his mouth hanging open just a little.

"Hey," she said softly as she poured the hot liquid into mugs for both of them.

He stared. "I...how did you, when -"

She smiled at his sleepy confusion. "I was right here next to you most of the night," she said as she brought the drinks over and came to sit next to him. "You didn't notice?"

He floundered, even as he took a coffee from her hand. "I, um,"

She laughed. "You're cute when you're sleepy, babe, but drink your coffee. We should talk about things."

He took a long swallow and seemed to shake off the fuzziness in his brain.

"What happened with yesterday? I was..." He swallowed, she thought maybe he had swallowed down whatever it was he was going to say in the process. "Concerned," he offered finally.

She shook her head. "I know. Believe me that wasn't my plan. But suddenly, we thought we had something, something we might be able to track. But it was all buried in the back channels and there was some concern that if we pushed it too far, they'd know we were looking.

In the end, I decided it wasn't worth the risk. The chance of bringing all of it down on us for a minor opportunity."

He nodded slowly. "As much as I am glad to hear that you're playing it safe, you know that you can bring me in now, right? That was the deal."

She took a deep breath. "I will. When there's something real, I will." She didn't like it, but she would.

"I'm not crazy about it. But I get it," she promises.

He holds up the phone she'd left him. "At least now we can text back-and-forth. That should be fun."

"As long as you're not worried about it. Something might be traceable, regardless."

"No way. Scrambler app is on there, that can change the number with every single call, and a couple other useful things. But overall I can change the phone out about once a week.

She raised her eyebrows at that.

"What?" He asked. I'm pretty much doing that anyway, if you think about it."

That got a laugh from her because, actually yes he did, more or less.

At least maybe this time I will have a viable trade in. If I can get someone to make the swaps for me.

She shook her head. He was enjoying this just a bit too much. But they sat and drank their morning coffee in companionable silence.

Neither of them wanted to leave the spell of that room, but they did, in the end. Beckett just hoped they could do this right and end it once and for all.


	10. December 10

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

The first text she had sent him had been a quick "good night" as she crawled, exhausted, into bed the night before. But the real first message she sent the next morning.

 _The boys are having fun if you want to come over and play._

Kate truly enjoyed how playfully cryptic it was, knew her husband would get a kick out of it as well. She hated the circumstances, the way that they had to be separated from one another for far longer then she ever cared to be. But on the other hand, there were some benefits to the quirky situation they found themselves in now. Something exhilarating about having a secret shared just between the two of them.

Castle's answer came back quickly, though it was a little disappointing.

 _Can't. Gina has been breathing down my neck about deadlines for weeks. And she said the pages I sent to her last night look like a drugged out monkey stole my password._

Kate blinked at the screen in surprise. That's particularly vivid, even for Gina.

 _Ouch_ , was all she sent in reply.

The phone chimed a moment later. _Only because she's mostly right, I was distracted. And tired. But I'll have it fixed in a couple of hours and then I'm going to run some errands. I'll be here if you want distracting of your own though._

She didn't even really have to answer that one, she knew that he would send her plenty of distraction all day long, whether she said yes or no. And she was grateful.

It still felt like a long morning, and she found she missed found all the more because he suddenly seemed so close - but for the moment, unattainable at least publicly.

So, as lunch time approached she preordered from the deli near the precinct and started walking. The day was mild and sunny, and she just wanted to spend it with him.

She pulled out the burner a couple of blocks into her walk and hit the shortcut for his.

"Hey, Babe. How's the writing?" She asked as soon as his voice filtered over the connection.

He laughed, and she felt warmed up from the inside. "Done for now. The evil monster has been appeased with monkey free writing. I'm on my way to help mother and Alexis with some errands. What are you up to?"

She smiled widely, even though he couldn't see it. "Taking a walk with you." Saying it out loud like that made her sound like a love struck kid, and she doesn't care. Not when he sounds so pleased on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she returned. "I'm all yours for at least 30 minutes. How much trouble do you think we can get into between now and then?"

"Plenty."

The sound of his voice has her blushing, right there on the sidewalk.


	11. December 11

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

It was just before one in the morning when she finally made it back to the hotel suite.

That fun little case the guys had ended up turning into something far more complex, something far more urgent. It ended with the three of them around the board like it used to be, only she was texting notes to Castle for insight half the night, trying to make it look like she wasn't texting Castle.

Now, she was exhausted and hungry because the dinner she had grabbed with the guys was well past eight hours ago now, but she wasn't sure she had energy to put together more than peanut butter and a spoon.

She had the burner half out of her pocket to text her husband and let him know she was in for the night before she had even made it through the door. And then she looked up, and dropped it.

Christmas was everywhere. Decorations and lights and things she didn't even know could be accomplished indoors much less inside of a hotel suite.

In the handful seconds that it took her eyes to adjust, her nose suddenly realized there was...spaghettini sauce. And an underlying scent of chocolate and sugar.

Her moth opened than closed.

"The decor was Mother's idea, and Alexis decided on cookies, which, by the way she says she thinks she almost has down your methods, but she's going to want practice next weekend before some swap she's doing with school friends. Dinner was me."

"Castle," she gasped out finally as he came around from the in room kitchen to meet her at the door.

He scooped up the dropped burner and came in for a kiss to her cheek in one quick move.

"To anyone else it just looked like we were having a bit of holiday time with mother. But of course, we just wanted you to feel at home, no matter where."

She was going to cry. It's late and she's tired and her sweet, sweet family. She was absolutely on the verge of tears so she wrapped her arms around him and held on instead. Let the warmth of his body absorb her shock and the shaking that she can't seem to stop doing.

"Hey, come on. It's late, and you probably want bed, but I've got food here and dinner was, well yesterday. Not that the food from soup place would stick that long anyway."

And then he was leading her, still shocked, to the table.

"This was your errand," she said, suddenly struck by the force of it. "We were walking, on the phone, and you were on your way to help Alexis and Martha you said. And you came here."

He was plating the spaghetti, seemingly unaffected by her shock, save for the wide smile on his face. "Well, yeah, it was mostly their idea, but we made a family thing of it."

She sighed happily as he set her plate in front of her. "And you cooked for me."

"Uh huh," he said, sliding in to sit in the beside hers, pulling it close. "And your jar of Nutella will miss you tonight, I'm sure. Now, eat before you fall asleep in your food."

She leaned over to nudge his shoulder with her own. "It was going to be peanut butter," she grumbled. "And it isn't like I went without dinner. I'm not that helpless."

He ran a gentle hand down her back, placating and soothing, and she nearly moaned. "I know you can take care of yourself, Beckett. But you don't have to anymore. Besides, it's in the job description, honey. I read the manual."

She laughed, then coaxed herself to pick up the fork. Oh. He'd made the sauce. Probably all day while they did her room over for Christmas. This man she'd married. He took such care of her.

"It's what I do," he said, leaving her to wonder exactly how much of her last thoughts had actually tumbled from her mouth without her consent.

But it was, she realized. What he did for all of them. As a father, son, and husband. This was the huge part of him that the world never really knew. The good kind soul who looked after three strong willed woman who could do it on their own, but did not have to.

She didn't have to anymore. And she's not used to it. The isolation of self reliance is like an old, selfish friend - comfortable but ultimately unwelcome. It's not that she likes it. It's only what she's used to. He'd been telling her, and her in her warn out state, under his quiet care, it hit her all at once.

She got the last of his delicious food into her, didn't want to waste even a bit. But the moment she finished, she turned and kissed him, threading her fingers with his in the small space between their seats.

He stood as she did, and she leaned into him. Leaned on him. "Take me to bed, Rick," she said with a tired sigh.


	12. December 12

**The Hopeful Lights of Winter**

 **Disclaimer** _ **:**_ I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

 **AN** : Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.

* * *

The truth is that yesterday she got in at a time that would barely qualified is Friday, 1:00 in the morning without having gone to bed the night before, so she hadn't been looking all that carefully at the plethora of decorations that the family had set out in her temporary space until she woke later that day.

She was surprised to find that some of the things in the little hotel suite were things she had brought to the loft last Christmas, finally adding some of her family decorations to theirs, pulling the forgotten things out of storage for the first time in well over a decade.

When she had asked Castle about it, he said that they chose things from both collections, because they wanted her to feel comfortable and at home in either location, and they wanted to feel at home with her the same way. It was sweet, all of them were sweet.

But it wasn't until she finally made up the long trek up the back stairs on Saturday morning and entered the loft but she appreciated the detailed effort everyone seemed to have made on her behalf. The decorations in the loft were like a more intense version of the ones in the suite, the pattern recognizable to her now. And, plenty of her and things were still on display in the living room. It was like the whole thing had been planned and mapped so that both locations would feel familiar and welcoming. Castle was right. Home in both places.

She set her keys on the table by the door, and she had shed coat. Then she set out to find castle, but ended up coming to an unexpected stop when she saw Alexis curled up on the sofa with a book and a soft throw.

The redhead looked up "hey Kate," she said.

"Hey," Kate offered nervously. There was nothing awkward in the young women's greeting, but given everything that it happened in the last couple of months, she wasn't exactly expecting the same relationship they have begun to develop before she left, and she was still cautious despite the help Castle's daughter has pitched in over recent weeks.

Alexis let her eyes trail around the room as well, as if also taking in what Kate was seeing, giving the moment before getting into conversation, the older woman supposed.

"I think we did a pretty good job of scaling the place at the hotel to match don't you, and obviously we had more than enough decorations. You wouldn't even miss them around here, Dad has so many. I still had to get him to hold back a couple of boxes so your stuff wouldn't get crowded out. Once I pointed it out though, it was like his personal mission. You know Dad."

Kate laughed softly. "Yeah, I do. You all did an amazing job. I don't even know what to say. I was so out of it when I got in last night I barely have a chance to really look at it with your dad, and then I was back at work, but I did a walk-through before I came over and really looked. It was amazing. And then, here it just feels like an extension and..." She sighed, because really, she didn't have enough words at all. "Thank you."

Alexis nodded and then seemed to startle. "Oh I almost forgot! How are the cookies? I feel like I've almost got it, maybe."

Kate smiled. "They were great Alexis, but your father said maybe you wanted to do a trial run together this weekend for a big swap or something?" She bit her lip and hoped that she wasn't pushing too hard with the girl. But Castle had mentioned it, and she didn't want to give the impression that she was uninterested.

"Ah, yeah if you don't mind. It's kind of a swap party mixed with a bake sale, so they needed like, a ton, and you're kind of freakishly good at it."

Kate laughed. "Sure. I just I know things have been..."

Alexis stood. "I'm not 17 anymore, Kate. And, I'm a daughter too."

Beckett opened her mouth, then closed it, swallowing.

"When Dad was new at working with you, things would come up with your," Alexis paused. "Personal stuff would come up, and I'd say to Dad, I couldn't imagine how it was for you. But then last summer..."

Kate couldn't help but protest against the image the words created. "He came home, Alexis." He did. She had to keep reminding herself.

The redhead nodded. "But I don't think I expected him to. I couldn't imagine that if he was alive he'd stay away, from you, from me. One day I asked Gram, how long we were supposed to just keep looking before..." She trailed off, looking away before meeting Kate's eye to finish.

She said you would know. But then you just, never stopped. You never gave up. And - you never do something like that and then just walk away. So, whatever it is that you guys are doing? You must have a reason. Which is what I told Dad when you disappeared a few months back."

"You did?" Castle hadn't mentioned anything about it, but things had been strange between them there for a while.

"Yeah. And on the one hand, I appreciate the effort to keep him out of it, because I want him safe too. I was there for that this summer and I get it. But he's miserable without you, and I'm not crazy about that either. So, if it's better, the two of you doing this however you need to do it, that works too. Just- let me help if you need it."

Kate sighed. "That's sweet but you shouldn't - it's not safe and your father won't like it."

Alexis shrugged. "He'll get over it. Because I'm a daughter too."


End file.
